Are You Ready to Parent Your Parents?

Are You Ready to Parent Your Parents?Comer�s personal experience in caring for his
own parents over the last eleven years is
Quick: can you answer the following: Do your parentsconsiderable (his mother, 94, is a lively resident of a
have a will? Who will care for them if they become illnursing home in Georgetown; his father passed away
or incapacitated? How will you and your siblings sharelast year two months shy of his 96th birthday). Still, he
in that responsibility?acknowledges that, by virtue of being his
Jim Comer, author of When Roles Reverse: A Guideparents� only living child (his only brother died
to Parenting Your Parents (Hampton Roads Publishing,at 23), there are some situations he hasn�t
2006, $17.95), says that knowing the answers toencountered.
questions like this can save families time, heartache�I don't have to deal with siblings in
and, perhaps most importantly, money they don't havecoordinating my parents' care,� Comer
to waste.admits. �But certainly many will have
�This book could save you $10,000, or muchto.� Nor did he have the added burden of
more,� Comer said at a recent presentationtrying to juggle a career, a spouse, and growing
to a packed audience at St. Edward�schildren of his own when he became responsible for
University in Austin . �But what it can savehis parents� care literally overnight. Knowing
you in time and energy in finding the answers to yourthat many of his readers will face just such concerns,
questions is priceless.�Comer has included a section in which he interviewed
In fact, there is an entire section of fifty questionsseveral parent care-givers who gave him the benefit
Comer implores his readers not to ignore; questionsof their insights and experience.
like: can you legally take action on yourIn easy-to-read style, Comer packs a tremendous
parents� behalf in case of emergency? Areamount of information in just over 300 pages. He has
you authorized to make decisions on their behalf ifcompiled sections of price comparisons for various
they cannot? Do you have access to their medicaltypes of care, services, and products. The fourth
and financial information to assist in transactions theysection of the book contains lists, often complete with
are no longer capable of negotiating?website addresses, of advocacy agencies for senior
Comer�s book includes interviews with Eldercitizens, insurance departments and agencies on aging
Law attorneys to help readers negotiate the maze oflisted state by state, and health insurance assistance
legal cans and can'ts.programs. When Roles Reverse is a virtual trip to the
Full of humor and touching personal stories, Comer haslibrary, the equivalent of hours of googling at your
left no bases uncovered in When Roles Reverse. In it,fingertips. It cannot be stressed enough: this book
readers will find information on how to apply forshould be in every adult child�s library! For
Medicaid and how to negotiate the red tapemost, it isn�t a matter of if you�ll
bureaucracy of the Veterans� Administration.need the information in this book, only a matter of
In preparing this guide, Comer interviewedwhen. According to recent research, long-term care is
bereavement counselors, geriatric and hospice carestarting to rival childcare as a problem affecting the
managers, funeral home directors, and managers ofbusiness focus of American employees.
retirement homes, assisted living facilities, and nursingAs Comer's experience and that of those he
homes to help you decide which option will be best ininterviewed tells us, it is far better to be an educated
your parents� situation, and which will beconsumer of care for your parents than one who is
most affordable. He also consulted with insuranceforced into making choices that may be neither the
specialists on long-term care and burial policies, thebest nor the most cost-effective simply because they
latter of which can be an especially dicey topic tomust be made immediately.
broach with one�s parents.Written as personably as one of Comer's
Perhaps one of the most interesting sections is thepresentations to live audiences (he is a speech and
question-and-answer session with the bereavementcommunications consultant by trade), each chapter
counselor. After all, it is those who remain who mustends with one of �Comer's
carry out a parent�s final wishes (assumingCommandments.� Anyone who has seen
they even know what they are), and who must oftenComer in action can hear his expressive voice ringing
make decisions even in the midst of grief.through his words. As celebrated writer Liz Carpenter
Comer�s point is driven home again andputs it, �Jim Comer is a good-natured guide
again: it is better to have as many decisions takenwho brings significant tips on facing the challenges of
care of as possible before the need actually arises.parental care and enjoying the process.